So I woke up this morning and poked around facebook, because it seems to be one of my morning rituals now (when the heck did I get an addiction? Do I need to do something to fix this?) I came across a a picture that has a quote one it. Everyone seems to be doing that now. You know, that big explosion of picture sharing that everyone can’t seem to get enough of. Step one, get pretty picture, step two, overlay inspirational quote, step three, upload and watch a billion people share it, like it and reaffirm your existence.
Usually I pass them over because they’re so freaking sappy or ridiculous. Well, today I saw one that I actually liked. So I clicked “like” (ha!) and copied it down. It said “Everyone you meet comes with baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack.”
I thought that was quite clever. Because it’s true, everyone comes with baggage. But I think baggage is everyone’s responsibility. I mean that this way: Sometimes people use a screwed up past as an excuse to be a jerk in the present. (hold on, I’m gonna go find a pretty picture and write that quote on it and upload it to fb…) I think it’s the main responsibility of yourself to work on the issues you have from your past and work toward getting over them. The person you’re with can, YES, help you unpack so to speak… but doesn’t it really stand to reason that YOU’RE the one who has to unpack?
We all have issues. But here is the one main thing I truly believe and hold true to: You can take your past and sing a woe-is-me song or you can look at it and say this “My past and everything I have experienced up to this point is what makes me who I am today.” I honestly believe everyone is on this Earth to evolve and grow and we are all on our own separate path. Your path is not mine. Your lessons to learn in your lifetime are not my lessons. My lessons are certainly not yours. We are all very unique individuals unto ourselves. (I am unique, just like you! ha!)
So yes, we all search for that person that can help us ‘unpack our luggage’, but don’t forget you will need to help them unpack theirs. It’s natural to want this and to do this. We are humans and sociable creatures. We all feel that need to be with someone. To be part of something. I want that, too.
So how do you unpack those issues? Unpacking issues all has to do with decisions. Decisions you will make right now. For example, I unpack a shirt I’ve had forever. What do I do? Do I keep it and still wear it or do decide to do something with it even tho I will never wear it again? (Remember, you can’t discard it, it’s your past and one of your life lessons comes from it.)
I was cheated on in my first marriage so many times, I can’t even count. He had (and probably still has) a sex addiction. The countless hotel visits he made with anonymous women he met on the internet spins my head. So let’s say I’m unpacking that piece of baggage (which I already have, many many years ago)… and I have a decision to make. Do I think all men are cheaters? Do I think all men will cheat on me? Do I put up a wall so high that I will never get over it and no one will ever get in? Or do I take that and become stronger for it? Know what I will and will not put up with in my life? Know that not all men are cheating jerks, but that some are. And that’s ok, because that’s THEIR path, not mine… and I won’t let those paths intersect with mine ever again. I chose the latter.
So you see, being in a relationship to me, is all about decisions. We all decide how we will treat someone. If we will let our past “baggage” interfere with our current relationship or let it interfere so greatly that we never get a current relationship, then we could stand to hurt the ones we love or never give ourselves the chance to love again happily.
That’s the chance I am looking for.