Is this a circus?

Is this a circus? Is this the big top? If so, where are the clowns? No, not the idiots, the real clowns? Makeup, happy smiles, beady eyes peering into your soul? (ahem sorry, that’s another blog…) Well, I’m pretty sure it’s a circus because you’ve got to be one hell of a juggler to manage all of this online dating crapola. And I don’t particularly like to be juggled.

The problem I think I have found is that if you’re a man on a dating sight and you are good looking, handsome, have both eyes intact, have normal teeth, don’t have your picture poised with a bloody axe (unless that’s your thing…), and seemingly resemble a human being and not a sloth, then you’re being bombarded with desperate women’s emails.  And you’ve got to be a damned circus act and juggle them all. But here’s the thing…. if YOU contact ME, then you’d better well get it straight. And by “it” I mean my name and where I am from. Yeah. Not too hard right? Seeing that we JUST talked via pof email about it. 3 minutes ago. Before I called you because you asked me to.

Now, *67 is a dating girls best friend. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.  And 9 times out of 10 I am reminded that my policy of not giving out my phone number is sooooooo accurate and right on track.  So I’m talking with “Matt” since yesterday via pof email. Sure sure, he’s nice. He’s pretty handsome too. Smiling in his picture (bonus!). Lives quasi-local to me. He tells me he would like to talk on the phone. Sure! We’ve been getting along via email, why not? He asked to call me, I declined and told him I would call him blah blah I don’t give my number out blah blah. He sends me his number and says he’d love if I could call him. So, 2 minutes after that email rolls into my phone, I *67 his butt and listen to the phone ring. He then picks up. Nice voice… very nice. I said “Hey it’s me, how are you?” He says “What? Oh hey…. hi.” You can hear the cogs turning; the hesitation was there. He’s thinking. He then asks me, “So, hey where are you from?” I’m like, what? So I ask him “Don’t you remember? We were JUST talking in email. You just told me to call you. Didn’t you read my profile?” I can actually HEAR the hesitation and smoke coming out of his ears while he’s trying to think hard. He says “Oh yeah, sure! You’re from Cranston, right?” I say “Nope, not from Cranston” and at this point I’m seriously thinking WTF in my head. He is the one who contacted ME. He asked to speak with me. LOL! So after a few sputterings of Ummmss and Uhhsss from his side of the line, I say to him “Hey, tell you what…. When you figure it out, we’ll chat.” Then I hung up on his star sixty-sevened butt.

We won’t chat.

I get that if you’re a guy and are loving the life of being on those sites getting all that attention, that you’re going to have to be an expert juggler. He was so obviously not. He tried to juggle and failed miserably. Maybe some of you would have been more forgiving and helped him out a bit…. and that’s cool. But I’m not and if you just tell me to call you, and I say I am calling, you should probably give yourself a flash reminder on who the hell is calling.  Re-read some emails and the profile for crying out loud. And you’d better know who I am, cause I’m not wasting my time dealing with a player.

RAAAAARRRRR!! (that was my Leo lioness roaring, btw… *wink*)

Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t…

Every once in a while, someone emails you and it seems ok but then sometimes it goes bad… and bad really fast. So at that point, you just try to follow their logic and realize they’re not working off of any. Nothing is connecting up there. 2 plus 2 equals bananas. And that’s when you just laugh and keep it rolling… sorta like this (and remember, names/numbers are changed to protect the innocent, or in this case, the bizarre):

So, on pof if I received an email that said “5088675309 txt me??… im peter” , I just ignore it. I received that first message from Peter on 3/14/2012. And that’s exactly what I did. I ignored it. Why, when I received another today, almost a month later (“5088675309 im peter.. txt?“), I didn’t ignore THAT one, I have no clue. Maybe I was bored. Maybe I figured well, he’s not bad-looking and he lives local, I’ll throw him back a message on pof and see what happens…. but I’ll be honest with him about my stance on texting.

Cause I HATE that crap. I hate texting someone I don’t know when I’m trying to get to know them. The impersonal nature of the whole thing is a huge turn off.

So I messaged him back, “Thanks, but I don’t text people I meet on here right away until I know them a little better. TY though.” He responded with a brilliantly written “ok whatever that means. no prob. xo“.

My goodness, he had me at “xo”.

Well, I just HAD to respond of course…. because what does he mean “whatever that means”? I’m pretty sure it’s self-explanatory. And I’m pretty nice to people on this site, which is I guess why I get suckered into these conversations…

“It means I don’t text people I am approached by here…it’s that simple. I don’t like conversational texting. I prefer phone calls and face to face. I leave the texting for my business clients. 🙂 “, I explained. Did I need to explain? No, but what the heck, I wasn’t doing anything else at the moment. And *67 is a girl’s best friend….

He responded with “oh i see. well after the experiances ive had on here that sounds more insane than texting at first lol…. girl canceled date last night 2 hours before hand. mom was dehydrated from chemo. then in the mmorning today she sent me a pic of her hand with a diamond on it. she got engaged last night. thats how she told me she wasnt interested. so good luck calling STRANGERS lol”

OK, I’m definitely not giving this guy my phone number by texting him, but I have a throw-away email account I can text people with, which is what I’ve done in the past before I meet someone. The text gets sent from that email address and he can text it back and I get it as an email. No sweat and totally anonymous and private. And my cell phone stays nice and secure and not filled with crazies. Will this one be a crazy? Not sure, but we’ll see. Chances are always good here on pof. Not to mention all the typos and misspelled words in the last email he sent made me cringe. But now I feel bad, the poor guy got blown off from a date AND got sent a picture of that girl with an engagement ring. Aww hell, poor guy…. well, I’ll talk to him a LITTLE more. I’ll be nice and cheer him up, what do I have to lose?

“Oh man, you’re probably right about that. I am sorry you had to experience that, that’s just awful. What a mean woman. 😦 I swear, we could probably write a book on all the dishonest people on this site. Well that aside, you have very nice tattoos. The “imperfect” one on the bottom of your neck… well, one day you will find someone who will think you are perfect for them. No worries. And I just don’t think you can get to know someone via texting. It’s just all so impersonal. I’m probably too old-fashioned for this type of site. Whatcha gonna do?“, I stated back. Well he sure let me know exactly what I was gonna do.

“your gonna text me, then we will share few pix. then we will go out. its simple. and fyi, im 40 somrthing. a typo on the 
profile…. peter jones from (insert random town here). find me on FB. thats how interested I am in you……. xo. I dont do that for just anyone“. Well now…. don’t I feel special. Oh, and his dating profile says he’s 35. LOL

Well Peter… isn’t that interesting. Lie number one. Here’s the thing about Plenty of Fish (pof), when you start your profile you put in your birth year and it calculates your age and puts it on the profile. It gives you a week to change it and then, it’s unchangeable. One of the BIG things I have noticed is the men lie about their age. For whatever reason they decide to do it, I am not sure, but they do it all the time.

“OK tell you what then…. I’ll text you from my email. My cell phone is my business line and I am just not comfortable giving it out. And by ’40 something’, what do you mean? Sooo verizon, sprint or at&t so I know where to send the text to?“, I declared. I love his statement “40something” that cracks me up.

Peter responded with “im sprint. im 45 this month. all my pix are from last summer. my FB pic is last week……………..”

The pseudo-professor of the English language inside of me is committing suicide at this point having to read everything he is writing and the way he is writing it. I’m sorry, not really writing it as much as abusing it and dismantling it. Making it cry “mommy” and whimper like a baby…

What the heck, I looked up his facebook and saw his pictures and whatnot there. I wrote him back and let him know I saw the recent pic of him there like he said and he responded with “ok, so you just looked and didnt send friends r? gotcha, your not interested…. no need to answer…… xoxox”

HAHAHA! OK, gonna have to ride this one…. my spidey senses are tingling….. I told him I wouldn’t give him my cell number, does he think I will let him have access to my private facebook profile?? LOL No. I let him know I use my facebook for business. Which is pretty much (partially) true. LOL Well he responded with “if your interested let me know… xoxo im very single. just school and work. no kids. ill be hoping for your text.”

And here emerges the creature of Bipolarity… like a little turtle peeking its head out and testing the water, sniffing the air… the bipolar creature of Peter the fabulously tattooed man comes forth…. OK Peter, I’ll bite. “well we have been chatting here so I assumed the get to know each other process had begun. But to tell me I’m not interested because I didn’t fb request you? I don’t get it…” LOL Oh man… Peter responded with “thought u werent interested if u just looked at my fb and turned away. i gotta go eat. will be waiting… (take a GOOD look at the girl on the back of my arm. xo ttyl”

“Very nice tattoo of the girl. Have a great rest of the afternoon… I’m headed to see a movie with my son now. TTYL“, I responded.

At this point I should let you know that the tattoo on the back of his arm was me. Seriously, it was me. I mean, not REALLY me, but it was me. A portrait of a slightly cartooned woman who could be a dead-ringer for me.

Later on after I got back from the outing with my son, I decided to email/text him. I said hi and he responded with a close up picture of the tattoo of my doppelgänger on the back of his arm. I responded to him letting him know the tattoo was well-done and very nice. He responded back “No. But are u wasting my time like every other loser on that site? I just paid 40 bucks for MATCH cause im sick of the retarded bulllshit on that site!”

OMG lol where did THAT come from?? lol BOOM, FULLY EXPLODED BIPOLAR TURTLE, complete with super-cape and capital letter “B” on its chest! OK, now it’s getting good… “woah! why are you so hostile? I am trying to be nice  and complement your tattoo and start a conversation. You asked me to text so I am.” I responded. Oh, dear lord, how will he respond THIS time? “Yea but these convos never go anywhere. At least on match.com the people are interested and are there to MEET“, Peter answered. OK, backup. We just started talking, and he expects that we should have met already or made plans to meet already? HA!

SO I had to set the boy straight cause I was starting to get bored…”Well, the way you are being so negative and hostile I am pretty sure we should never meet actually. These last texts from you… man, not very nice. You shouldn’t take your hostility out on someone you just met.”

The insane are only interesting to watch for so long….

Peter answered back with another closeup pic of himself smiling into the camera and another text/email “Im very nice…… ” sent not from his cell phone but from his email address. Then this from his cell phone “Im very nice. Grab me while u got me…. Xo”

Oh my, well thank goodness he pointed out that I should grab him while I got him. I might have let this one get away!

LOL Well, time to cut things off… and yet prove myself right one more time on why I never give my cell out, so I email/texted him back “Grab you while I got you?? You are ALL over the place.  Do me a favor, when you see me on match.com, don’t email me there either. THIS is why I don’t give my cell out… you proved me 100% right.”

CAH-RAZEEE!!!

Peter let me know I was missing out on something good, I tell YOU… He made sure I knew just what he had to say now…  “Yea. If u like me grab me. Or just go on ednlessly jumping form one to another to another and see where u end up. Gotta sleep. Nite“. Poor guy, I think this hostility was really meant for the newly engaged girl he got ditched by. But it certainly made for an interesting 20 minutes.

“A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?” – Albert Einstein

~~~~~~~~~~
POST PUBLISHING EDIT: It’s the next day and he just sent me another email/text that said “morning sexy……off to work xo“. Oy. Well, at least he knows how to say good morning to someone. LOL

So what’s a girl to do?

Last night I went to see a movie with one of my girlfriends. We went to go see 21 Jump Street because we knew Johnny Depp was in it and she’s my Johnny Depp movie partner. We argue which one of us Johnny would like better and we make sure we dress to impress in case, you know, Johnny sees us through the big movie screen or something…. lol. We drove about an hour and a half once to go see one of his movies because it wasn’t in any local theaters. This time we were making sure we would see it before we had to head oversees to see it. And it was WELL worth it!!

So the movie was at 7 and we met at the local pub right next to the theater at 5:30. She looked smashing as usual and I rocked a new pair of heels (Johnny likes shoes, so I don’t pull any punches.) I sipped a soda water with lemon while we had a pub style dinner, all while sitting at the tall chairs at the bar. I played some Keno, and won $5. It was gonna be a good night! WOO! (And I always look for pocketbook hooks under a bar top, so if they have them, I’m pretty happy. They had them.)

After dinner, we strolled the 50 feet over to the theater doors and headed in. The theater was small but we laughed big. Totally a movie worth seeing. Funny as hell, but don’t see it with your grandma.  So the movie was done and we decided that since it was still early, we would head back over to the pub and have a drink. At this point, the bar was now packed. There were two seats open next to a pretty cute man. Since my friend was taken, I sat next to him. He smiled nicely at me, and I returned the smile.

The three of us ended up talking for about an hour and he had to go pick his daughter up from a local dance school. He kept saying if he didn’t have to go, he would love to stay and talk more and hang out more. He said that about 4 times actually.  I was totally feeling the vibes… he was interested. My friend kept saying how we’d be back May 11th to do the exact same thing for the next Johnny movie… she was totally letting him know that so we would have a way to see each other again. He hesitated while he was leaving and you could tell he was nervous. I smiled at him again as he was leaving and he did the same thing… and then…. I think he chickened out. *sigh*

After he left, my friend kept saying how totally into me he was. And he really seemed so nice. I said to her, “If he was smart, he’d run back in with his number on a piece of paper for me.”

He didn’t.

We learned talking to him for an hour that he has two daughters, one a sophomore at an excellent city college for nursing and another a sophomore at a local high school. I know their ages. I knew his first name and even the really good company he works for and the job position he holds, as well as what high school he graduated from and what year. He went to the same college I went to. I knew the town where his daughters live with his ex-wife and what town he lives in now. I even know the part-time job a few friends of his and he are going to do at Fenway this summer.

So, what’s a girl to do? Do I just leave it up to fate and be there May 11th and see if he shows?  What would you do??

I am just SO not good at this single thing….

A conversation with a friend

I have a few married male friends and I enjoy speaking with them because they’re a great source for me to get into the mind of the male. For one, they’re safe. I don’t have to worry about them hitting on me. For two, they know I won’t hit on them because they’re married. (That’s just the way I work, I don’t play those games.)

One of my married male friends and I were talking about random things and I don’t remember how the conversation headed this way but he asked me, “(In relationships, people) know how to hide their true selves at first which sucks. And sucks because when (you) fall for all the promises and expect the person to be who they say they are, all of a sudden they change after you fall in love and get comfortable with them. It hurts like hell.”

He then went on to ask, “Do u think people stay deeply in love their whole relationship? Or do you think that is just a beginning stage? Do you think married people feel deeply in love after 10 years like they did their first year?”

In which I replied, “Bill (names are changed from here on in for privacy), this is something I have thought about a LOT. I will give you my take on it. I believe that in the beginning there is an initial biological chemical reaction to initiate the bonding phase. Then it can grow deeper. BUT here’s the catch and this is where I believe most couples fail. People get comfortable. People get complacent. People get lazy. All of those things you did in the beginning you need to do FOREVER. A good relationship is work. But it’s work that you can enjoy doing for the rest of your life.“

Bill: “So you’re saying you think it fades with most people?“

Me: “I think it is absolutely 100% human nature to have the ability to be comfortable and lazy and have it fade. But it’s the passion that will keep it together. It’s the passion that you need to work at keeping. Doing the little things to make each other happy. You will see old couples together for years and they’re holding hands. They’re looking at each other and smiling. They respect each other and dote upon each other and their equal happiness. Then you see the older couples that barely speak to each other and are just used to that other person as being there. So yes, it can fade if you let it. But if you work at it, work at the love the two of you can have and mutually respect each other as individuals (respect is KEY!)…. then you can.“

Bill: “I don’t see too many older couples holding hands lol“

Me: “Bill, I do sometimes, but I also look for it and notice it. It’s one of the first things I notice. I noticed a wonderful couple sharing a sundae at a restaurant and without them knowing a snapped a photo to remember for myself that it is how I want things to be for me one day and for always. I posted it on facebook a while back because it made me happy.”

Bill: “I remember you posting that pic. Yes, I do, I think you said it was at the 99.“

Me: “Yes. It made my day seeing them. I was out with my son that day.“

Bill: “Yes, it is nice.“

Me: “So it does happen. But it’s work. Just the other day I saw someone post this on facebook as their status and I commented on it.“

“Can we all just agree that when you’re dining with your loved one at a restaurant, same-siding is just terribly awkward for the rest of the patrons? Do it if you must, but I’m never going to understand it…”

I answered: “Why not? I think it’s terribly romantic and it’s not like they’re making out… they’re dining. That’s a couple who will keep romance alive. It’s not about the other patrons, it’s about the two people who want to eat a dinner side by side and remember the romance.“

Someone else then commented: “It’s about elbow room. Save the romance for occasional sweet hand holding across the table and attentive conversation.”

The original poster then said, “I can be just as sweet and romantic across the table, looking at my wife. When I see the same-siders, I always feel like the one on the outside is too controlling to give the insider their space…”

Then I said “What? You’re over thinking that. And elbow room is fine and needed if you sit exactly side by side but when I go out I will have to say I have always been a same side sitter. Grab a booth and sit side by side, be comfortable. I sit on the inside and turn a little to face the person and they turn to face me. It’s more intimate being closer. Sure you can be sweet and romantic looking at your spouse but I think it’s about being closer than across the table. It’s more than just the occasional hand holding.”

Another person added, “It doesn’t bother me to see side sitters. To each his/her own, but I personally find it awkward sitting side by side for the mere fact that you can’t easily look at one another without twisting and turning.”

And a waitress friend of the original poster said “From a waitress all I have to say is, AMEN!!!! Also awkward for the wait staff!!!”

I asked the waitress, “Why is it awkward for the waitress to see two people sitting side by side in a booth? If a couple goes out with another couple then they are sitting side by side. Why is it the rule that people have to spread out evenly in order to occupy the space of the booth as a whole?”

Me: “No one has yet to answer me.”

Bill: “Maybe they figure it is normally a beginning stage.”

Me: “Normally a beginning stage? That’s my point. People move on from their “beginning stages” and become … I don’t know… they become the thing they wish they hadn’t. And then they wonder why things aren’t the same as when they were when they first got together.”

Bill: “That’s me, because of the person pretending to be something they’re not at the beginning stage.”

Me: “I’m sorry, Bill. 😦 Well, I guess it’s all about finding the person who will be romantic with you until the end. It’s never too late to rekindle that…”

Bill: “Yeah, that would be good for you. Romance is good.”

Me: “It would be good for everyone.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I just find that couples seem to change when they’re in relationships for a long time. They become too comfortable. They forget the romance and how it was when they first got together. The stresses of life get in the way and they take those stresses out on the person that is the closest to them, when in reality, that is the LAST person you should take stress out on. It’s good to have that person to be able to de-stress with and be able to tell all the woes of your every day life, it’s quite essential actually! But it’s not good to take it out on them and snap at them and be distant with them because of it. It’s not good to push off the intimacy and affection of a relationship because of every day stress or just being tired because of the daily rat race we all run. There are so many factors that can keep up apart, but in the end, we are all will have, so we need to hold onto that, hold on to each other and cherish one another as much as we can.

Be true to yourself

I was zipping around online this morning while I was waiting for customer service at my bank to open, when I came across this picture. I read it and said to myself, “I am weird. I am random. I am being who I am.” I say this because I have had quite a few friends sometimes look at me and shake their head at the things I say. Not things that are off-color or inappropriate, but just things that I like and enjoy. Things that make me…me. Even just recently I was told by a new friend “wow, I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone like you.” and then that I was “not a weirdo, just a very unique young lady“. I guess that’s true. I am pretty unique I guess….

I think it’s important we do this: be ourselves. No matter what. I think if we change who we are to conform to the norm then how will the one person who will love us for who we really are find us? How will they be with us? What if our soul mate is just as weird as we are, but they never take a chance on us because they think we’re not their type?

It just seems to be this perpetual cycle people get into.  Things don’t work out in past relationships and we’re taught or made to feel like it was something we did. Who knows? Maybe it was! Maybe you were a total jerk, and in that case you need to re-evaluate how you treat people. Do unto others as you will have done to yourself. Karma’s a bitch. All that jazz. But sometimes it’s just that people change. Or is it???

When you get to a certain age (above your thirties, like me… ahem, let’s not talk about that too much) you pretty much are who you are. Your base personality has been established and if you go into a relationship thinking you can change someone you’re sadly mistaken. People are who they are. Thinking you can change them is a colossal waste of time. And if you start out the relationship with wanting to change someone, then why the hell are you even WITH them? It’s not about changing them, it’s about acceptance. Not everyone is going to do everything you want them to do or be everything you want them to be. But it’s about the good outweighing the bad, so to speak. It’s about saying “Yeah, he perceptually leaves the damned toilet seat up all the time, but you know what? He’s the most caring person I have ever been with.” So does that outweigh the toilet seat thing? If it doesn’t, then move along. If your list of “He drives me crazy because of this, this and that” is way longer than the list of “I’m with him because of this, this and that” then it’s time to move on and NOT try to change him. He will be miserable, you will be miserable and you will nag him and hate the person you are when you are with him. It’s not his fault. He is who he is. You are who you are but you have not accepted that fact. And because of that, the relationship is doomed to be miserable.  You will fight and bicker. You will nag and he will get pissed and call you on being a nag. Who the hell wants to be a nag? Is that what you want? Do you want to be miserable?

Vanessa Paradis has said this of the eccentric Johnny Depp: “I love him, and I don’t have to say I like this and I don’t like that. When you love somebody, you take them as they are. I would not change him.” I think these are very important things to remember.

So we hope people are themselves. We really really hope they are. And things are wonderful in the beginning. “This person is perfect! I can’t believe how well we get along!” Oh, I have said these words. And said them to my friends with stars in my eyes. And then as a little bit of time goes by, things start to change. Slowly but surely, as they relax in the relationship, things change. They start to be themselves more. They don’t hold the door open anymore. They’re not as attentive. Whatever it may be, they are not the same person you met just a little while back. I have actually said to my friend about someone I dated for a few weeks (and said this 2 weeks into it) “I guess the honeymoon period is over.” She responded with “That’s the shortest damned honeymoon period I have ever heard of.” I look at how things were with him and he was a really nice guy, but if he was more honest with how he was, and was just himself instead of who he thought I wanted him to be, then we probably wouldn’t have dated for the time we had. If he was just himself it would have saved both of our time. We could have been friends but nothing more. He actually made a great friend, but for me personally, he made a terrible boyfriend. For someone else, he will make an awesome boyfriend.

It’s really all about being true to yourself. Even if yourself, like myself, is a bit on the weird and eccentric side. But it’s all about perspective. I may be weird and eccentric to someone else, but to me I am perfectly normal and to the right person, I may be perfectly wonderful.